Recently i shed tears heavily . Im stucked. I don't know where to go. My physical weakness is getting worse and my noise hypersensitivity has become severe too. The sounds of television in front of my room and hearing housemates talking and laughing loudly torture me mentally emotionally physically that i can no longer hold my tears.my body immediately jumps to phase 3. panting. experiencing difficulty in moving eating and to carry out my simple basic routine.. ive been forcing myself taking care of the house's cleanliness till now. and it just makes my illness much worse. i love this place a lot. but i guess i cant stay here anymore..
in my desperate attempt to search for a better place, i lost RM400 to a scammer who gave me hope and promised to help me with his kind words pretending to be a sincere person. I know the risk of getting cheated is high and i took precaution by getting his IC and his bank account. But i desperately need a place. Crying and worrying everyday is consuming my 3% energy . I can no longer focus on my daily therapy. I can no longer focus on improving my well-being. The world seems so dark. The pain is so intense i ask Allah to take my soul away . Returning to Him is a big relief rather than facing the pain dealing with 8 housemates, cleanliness issue, noise issue, house issue, etc. But He refuses to answer this doa of mine. And surely its for a reason. That i still have a role to play in this world despite my limited capacity. Surely He does not create me without purpose.
I accept this and ask Allah to grant me strength and patience to exert effort to find a healing place. He knows my limit. And He is The All Loving , The All merciful. To Him we rely . To Him we put our hope and trust.
He's the One Who has been helping me escaping from dangers and predators.
He's the One Who shows me the way out when every door is closed to me .
He's the One Who grants me help from unexpected channels and means.
He's our only source of Hope.
